Curly Long aka 'The VLB', 'The Midget King'
Image of Curly Long aka 'The VLB', 'The Midget King'
Real name {{{realname}}}
Ring Names {{{names}}}
Height 3'8"
Weight 140lbs
Date of birth 12th June, 1981
Place of birth Spread Eagle, Wisconsin
Date of death {{{death_date}}}
Place of death {{{death_place}}}
Resides {{{resides}}}
Billed from {{{billed_from}}}
Trainer {{{trainer}}}
Handled by {{{handler}}}
Win/Loss Record {{{winloss_record}}}
Debut June 2005
Retired {{{retired}}}

Curly Long is a professional efed wrestler and midget. He is currently wrestling for Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation, where he has been the booker for a month and held the EWT Tag Titles (w/Mr.Big). He is considered an arrogant, cocky self-obseesed egomaniac with some very sinister and disturbing interests. when not trying to obtain the big belts of EWT Curly Long can be found upsetting other wrestlers with outlandish remarks or trying to score with the ladies.

Early career

Curly Long is the infamous midget of the EWT. He started off as a young midget kid working the road, son to a circus strongman and a midget lady of the night. At the time of his youth Curly Long found that he was surprisingly strong for a midget and so tried his hand at power lifting where he had some success. From here he then moved on to amateur style midget greco-wrestling which was popular. This led him to becoming friends with the 7'3" giant known only as Mr. Big and they have been tagging on and of throughout there career. Before his arrival in EWT Curly Long was a breakout star in Midget Champions Wrestling (MCW) where he won the main belt a record setting 7 times. This only pushed his ego to higher boundaries and now he considers the midget wrestling world to be beneath him. Thus Curly Long joined EWT to test himself against true wrestlers.

Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation - The Early Days

Curly Long's entrance into the EWT was just a taste of what he would become. Knocking on the door of Toomi Bishoff's offcie he scurried in and made himself a contract which he then laminated so it could never be destroyed. Toomi attempted to stop this but had his hand bitten for his trouble, as Curly Long and Mr. Big left Toomi uttered the birth of his most well known monkier ...

"Toomi: . . .you . . . . VILE LITTLE BASTARD!"

This has been adopted by the EWT fans and now when ever Curly Long appears the chants of 'VLB' are not far behind. Curly Long's progress in EWT to start with was steady, defeating the likes of Scotty too Hotty, The Brooklyn Brawler and Max-Mini. These matches were a testing ground as backstage none were sure how well a wrestling midget would get over, they needn't have worried. For the self-proclaimed Midget King had an abundance of charisma when talking to the fans and his opponents, frequently getting loud jeers and chants of 'Curly Sucks'.

Curly Long's first major storyline was a brief interaction and match with EWT Hall of Famer Billy 'The Virgin' Ubermark. Billy Ubermark had just returned from New Orleans after being conned into buying a magical ward (A gold painted medallion soaked in horse urine) to keep Maelstrom away. The aroma of the medallion reminded Curly Long of a former love ..

" I Remember it was down in the MCW. I'd just beaten Meatball for my 7th Midget World Title. I'd gone backstage and into the stables and there she was . . . Mina! . . . that little minx, ah what a summer that was . . . one time we fell in this pond of yellow water. She was so beautiful the yellow water gleaming in her hair and the perfume she had was just like this . . . ah love . . . "

... So Curly Long wanted to buy it, but billy refused to sell, which led to Curly Long's first PPV match at No Rest for the Wicked, which he lost. This loss created what appeared to be the nature of Curly Long and Mr. Big's relationship. Blaming Mr. Big for the loss Curly Long continued to mention what happened at an orphanage with those children, which seemed to have some hold over the 7 ft man. As the weeks progressed news outlets and media gave information on the story.

Meanwhile both Curly Long and Mr. Big joined the stable the Balance of Power (B.O.P) led by Pza and his followers Epidemik and Destroyer. This stable declared themselves EWT Stable Champions and believed they were being underutilised and demanded recognition and would frequently claim it was the fans fault with the catchphrase "F*** the Fans!". This all came to a close after Mr. Big found out it was Curly himself that destroyed the orphanage, Mr. Big angry left Curly on his own for a few weeks. In those weeks Curly Long admitted to setting up Mr. Big to Mean Gene Okerlund during an interview which ended with Mean Gene almost having his nose bitten off. Mr. Big returned at the 'Royal Pain in the Ass Rumble' and eliminated Curly Long who managed to escape further harm.

The final end to this was shown live as Curly Long and the BOP called out Mr. Big to confront them. However Pza had his own announcement in that his contract along with Epidemik and Destroyer's were up and that they were leaving EWT. Despite this shock Mr. Big came out and came face to face with Curly Long after knocking the other B.O.P members out the way ... here's what happened ..

CURLY: Don't listen to them . . . they aren't important . . . I gave you everything I know . . . . including . . . the art of subterfuge . . .

  • Mr. Big lifts Curly up right to his face . . . and . . Big's expression changes from rage to a smile, and he hugs Curly . . .(the crowd begins to boo!) . . . before putting him back on the Ladder . . . Big then turns around and lays out Pza, Destroyer and Epidemik with huge chair shots! . . . . Mr.Big then picks up Epidemik and BURNING HAMMER on the chair! . . Destroyer who has recovered somewhat attempts to stop Mr. Big with a German suplex but its reversed . . . into a PUMP HANDLE SLAM! . . Big turns to the groggy Pza . . he lifts him up! . . GANZO BOMB! . . . all three B.O.P members are down . . . . . Big picks up Epidemik and Gorilla Presses him out of the ring, he then grabs Destroyer and chokeslams him to the hard concrete floor! . . . Finally he grabs Pza . . . and sets him up in a powerbomb position . . he walks to the ropes and releases with maximum force!. . and . . in a repeat of what happened to You Gene at the Rumble! . . Pza's lands squarely on his shoulders, a cracking sound is heard along with a very loud scream! . . (The crowd chants loudly a mixture of Die Curly Die, Boos, HOLY SH*T & 'VLB' at Big and Curly) . . all the while this is going on Curly Long laughs perched on top of his ladder . . . Mr. Big looks down at the carnage and gives an evil smirk as the EMT's come and take away a bloody and crippled Pza and the rest of the B.O.P *

CURLY: . . *evil laughter* . . . what you thought we were separating . . you believed that tall story about burning orphanages! . . . *Laughs* . . . You little people have no clue as always! . . . I 'm hear to take the EWT Heavyweight Title . . and I will do anything to get it! . . even if it means that I Curly Long have to cripple everyone of my opponents in the EWT! . . . . so I infiltrated the B.O.P and took them out . . your Gene Rayburn Memorial Champion will never be seen again . . not because his contract ran out . . but because my main man Mr. Big has crippled him permanently . . you heard his back break! . . . I doubt Pza will walk again! . . . so now there are 3 less EWT superstars in title contention . . . You people took me for a joke . . you saw a midget . . and you thought he was funny . . . well the Joke is Over! . . . The Big deal is here . . and what I did to the Balance of Power I will do to every EWT superstar . . and I'm not stopping till I take the Gold!!

The Month of being Booker

After demolishing the B.O.P Curly Long and Mr. Big followed this up be destroying both Hulk Hogan (Thrown off the main stage) and Chris Jericho (Thrown though his Jerichotron 3000 head first). This led to Curly Long hosting his own talk show which he called The Colossal Coliseum. Please see the link for details about who has been on and what great moments have occurred.

In late September 2005 Toomi Bishoff left EWT leaving the door open for someone to take charge. That someone was Curly Long who after partying in Toomi's office with the tag team known as Raskall & Trunk took control and kicked the pair out into the hallway, which would start the long running feud. Curly Long's month reign as booker was considered by most a success. Curly Long most surprising moment of excellence was re-invigorising the EWT Women's division despite his often lewd and crude remarks to the opposite sex. He also forced weekly matches to have intriguing ste ups. One week he made the ring be surrounded by a swimming pool, having a live brass band play everyone's theme music or even taking the EWT to Alaska! He also helped set up the PPV We Couldn't be arse with a Name. A month later Toomi did return to EWT and took back control. Toomi accused Curly Long of wasting EWT money and making absurd matches no one wanted to see. Curly Long responded with a music video and a strong promo that criticised Toomi's previous time in charge and claimed that Toomi was simply envious of what Curly Long had done. This back and forth ranting reached a head at the PPV Rebirth where Toomi forced Curly Long into a chariots of fire match with Psychoapeguy. Curly lost and was presumed burnt to ash by the insane Psychoapeguy. Later on after these events Curly Long had the last laugh when he won the anuual Scammy Award for best booker, much to the disgust of Toomi.

Raskall & Trunk

During his month of being EWT booker Curly Long crossed paths with the team of Raskall & Trunk who he through out of Toomi's Office as he declared himself in charge. The two men took exception to this and hassled Curly Long and then kidnapped Mr. Big locking him in a cage in the basement. This set off a series of events where Curly Long tried to find a new bodyguard. In total Curly Long had 7 different bodyguards who were all failures they included Giant Gonzales Distracted by a monkey), Akio (Beaten up by the PTA), Tyson Tomko (Curly fired him for incompetence), The APA (Paid off by Maelstrom to leave) & The Natural Disasters (Had some success but lost a first blood match where the losers leave town that was set up by Curly). Eventually Mr. Big escaped and helped Curly beat up Raskall & Trunk despite losing the match. This feud never truly resolved until later on.

Return to EWT & The Harlot Hunt 2006

A Month later some promo videos were aired fro a new EWT wrestler who went by the name of Towering Inferno. These videos featured fire, flames, lava and aired for a few weeks. On December 8, 2005 Towering Inferno debuted to possibly one of the largest pyrotechnic displays ever, but unfortunately things didn't go to plan as Mr. Big shoved Towering Inferno into the fire as Curly Long hijacked the pyrotechnic booth. Towering Inferno received horrendous injuries and was never seen again, whilst Curly Long had made an infamous return.

Curly failed to take advantage of this return as EWT headed to Iraq for it's annual PPV for the troops. Curly Long and Big missed the flight out due to customs stopping them. Back in America and Curly Long set his sights on the OX division title which at the time was held by Spaz. Despite having a large build up on the Jay Leno show Curly Long failed at Toomi's House Party II to win the match.

Fortunately Curly Long had an ace up his sleeve as he was selected to be the host for the EWT's very own Harlot Hunt 2006, this would be the second run of the show. This spectacle lasted a month or so until the eventual winner D'Zee was crowned. During the run one of the contestants a stunning brunette Alicia took an interest in Mr. Big but was mysteriously left behind when the show went to Madagascar. Also another harlot contender known as Flora was discovered to be only 15 years old much to the dismay of Ultimo Chocula backstage whilst the runner up Cherry went on to help manage HBH as Sensational Cherry. It ended at the PPV Magic: The Gathering which was held in Disney World, also at this event Curly Long and Mr. Big took on Crauswell and the Gobbeldy Gooker in a tag match and won. They followed this up be entering the tournament to decide a number one contender for the EWT Heavyweight Title, which they didn't quite manage to win.

Tag Team Wrestling & First Taste of EWT Gold

However what they did get was an EWT Tag Team Title opportunity at the PPV Freak Show!! against the Ragnal Brothers. Which thanks to lots of chetaing they won! Midget King and Company took the titles from the longest running holders in EWT history in what many consider an upset. This title reign only lasted around three weeks as they lost the belts back to the Ragnals in a FUN House match. This tag team feud continued for some time and also involved the Handsome Boy Modelling School, PTA, Nyrds and Generation Tech but by the end of it the HBMS had managed to win the belts at the ppv Full House

Toolshed Title, Muary Popvich & The Suicide Idolz

Curly Long also had a shot at the toolshed title at this time but lost due to interference. Just before the PPV Full House Curly Long and Mr. Big were invited onto the Muary Popvich show to promote the PPV. Unknown to the tag team though was that Muary had a different agenda regarding a women from Curly Long's past ...

Curly Long on the Muary Povich show

After this Midget King and Company began to feud with The Suicide Idolz. The basis of this was that Curly wanted to get back into the tag team title position and figured an easy win against the rookies would be the way to do it. Unfortunately Curly Long completely underestimated the Suicide Idolz and despite trying to set them up on the Colossal Coliseum they still lost the tag match at Kingdom of Hurt

After this Mr. Big fell ill with a virus and had to take some time off. Curly Long remained for a few weeks more and got a shot at the Toolshed title and OX Division Title, however he lost both. Curly Long was then kidnapped by about 20 tribal pygmies and wasn't seen in EWT for at least two months.

The 2nd Return to EWT, Ultimo Chocula & Raskall & Trunk return

Curly returned a month later thanks to Mr. Big finding out that Armado Estrada had kidnapped him. After dealing with Estrada and Umaga Curly Long made some of his goals clear, he wanted an EWT Tri-state Title shot and began to ridicule EWT wrestler Ultimo Chocula for being a loser. In the meantime Curly Long was not put on the card for Skies the Limit so tried to sabotage the PPV by disrupting the electrics, this didn't go down well with Maelstrom who beat the pair up prior to the PPV.

Following this Curly Long hosted a Colossal Coliseum which started a tournament to determine the new EWT Tag Team Champions, the final taking place in a Megadeth match. It also created the odd pairing of Ultimo Chocula and the masked Sexy Dynamo which would become important as time progressed. Indeed Curly Long and Ultimo's rivalry continued with both sides costing each team a tournament match by interference. While this was all going on Curly Long was being aided by a mystery masked man known as The Great Hugo backstage and in matches. Hugo's help wasn't really wanted in the mind of Curly who frequently told him to stop. This all came to a head on another Colossal Coliseum where Sexy Dynamo and The Great Hugo assaulted Curly and Big, as they revealed to the world there real identies of a returning Raskall and Trunk.

With scores to settle Curly Long probably wanted revenge after this, instead he got put in a catch the midget match with Two Kewl. (With Curly being the Midget) The chase was on and featured several monks chanting at a giant block of ice, a topless Christy Hemme (Who Mr. Big took to bed), Clown Girl and Mr. Bunny being terribly unhelpful to Mr. Big by suggesting a big trunk, unfortunately it was full of other midgets (One of whom got irritable with Mr. Big claiming it was a private function) and Ultimo Chocula got involved. In the end some argued that Ultimo Chocula won the match but the referee ruled it a draw.

After this Ultimo tricked the pair and locked them in a room with a donkey, who decided to go to the loo. Ultimo did this so he could host the Colossal Coliseum himself and prove that the only real loser was Curly Long. Ultimo's moment of glory was short lived though as he then lost his match with Mr. Big the next night. this led to Season's Beatings where Curly and big cost Raskall and Trunk there match for the EWT Tag titles. Afterwards Ultimo interrupted the pair by driving a tank into the arena which then fired, red and green confetti. This was followed by the first Oglethorpe On A Pole, Submission, Cage Tag Team match between Midget King and Co vs Ultimo Chocula and Daryl Dragon aka Ultimo Dragon. After a complicated and brutal match Ultimo Dragon won by forcing Curly to tap out.

Following this Curly and Big got a tag team title shot and in an attempt to stop interference Curly sent 30 scantily clad strippers to distract both Ultimo Dragon and Raskall & Trunk, this backfired when the strippers turned out to be fembots and exploded after seeing Raskall's sexy dance moves. In the end it made no difference as Team Ireland cheated to retain against Curly and Big anyway. Afterwards both Big and Curly entered the Royal Pain in the Ass Rumble, which neither won.

Following this Mr. Big attempted to get Maelstrom to beat up Ultimo Chocula when the pair had a match over the EWT Heavyweight Title. This only ended up with Mr. Big being double teamed by Ultimo Dragon after the match.

Hosting the Stable Tournament, March 4th 2007 and a Bad Man

Curly Long's problems continued into 2007 as Ultimo Chocula now King after winning the Rumble continued to mock the midget whilst the mention of March 4 sent Mr. Big into an uncontrollable rage. On the good side of things Curly was chosen as a host for the Trios Tournament to decide new stable champions, which he announced with the help of Sesame Streets very own telly Monster.

Title History

  • EWT Tag Title (1-time)

In wrestling

  • Finishing moves and signature moves
    • The Curly Creamer (An F5 off the top rope)
    • The Curly Clutch (A Cobra clutch)
    • Flying Leg Drop
    • Various Low Blows
    • Biting
    • School Boy roll up
    • Jumping Headbutt
    • Sleeperhold
  • Theme songs
    • "Moving on Up" by M-People (Has sinsiter backing track)
  • Nicknames
    • The VLB
    • Midget King and Company (His Tag team with Mr. Big)
    • The Midget King
    • The Self-declared Midget King
    • The Lewd, Crude and Rude Main Event Midget
    • The Host with the Most
    • The Don One with the Big Shlo... (Never actually gets a chance to finsh calling himself this as he is always interrupted)
  • Quotes
    • Welcome to Curly Long is EWT!
    • That's not the short of it, that's the Long Hard Truth of it!
  • Trivia
    • - Favorite Movie is 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs'.
    • - Curly owns a selection of debatable Top-Shelf Video Tapes, some featuring EWT Superstars!!
    • - Curly has a 'multiple one night stand' relationship with a female midget known as Mina.
    • - Curly is a keen fan of all things strange and perverted and likes to holiday in Amsterdam
    • - Has slept with a monkey, it was dark and they were the same height.
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