Curly Long

Curly Long is a professional efed wrestler and midget. He is currently wrestling for Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation, where he has been the booker for a month and held the EWT Tag Titles (w/Mr.Big). He is considered an arrogant, cocky self-obseesed egomaniac with some very sinister and disturbing interests. when not trying to obtain the big belts of EWT Curly Long can be found upsetting other wrestlers with outlandish remarks or trying to score with the ladies.

Early Career
Curly Long is the infamous midget of the EWT. He started off as a young midget kid working the road, son to a circus strongman and a midget lady of the night. At the time of his youth Curly Long found that he was surprisingly strong for a midget and so tried his hand at power lifting where he had some success. From here he then moved on to amateur style midget greco-wrestling which was popular. This led him to becoming friends with the 7'3" giant known only as Mr. Big and they have been tagging on and of throughout there career. Before his arrival in EWT Curly Long was a breakout star in Midget Champions Wrestling (MCW) where he won the main belt a record setting 7 times. This only pushed his ego to higher boundaries and now he considers the midget wrestling world to be beneath him. Thus Curly Long joined EWT to test himself against true wrestlers.

Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation - The Early Days
Curly Long's entrance into the EWT was just a taste of what he would become. Knocking on the door of Toomi Bishoff's offcie he scurried in and made himself a contract which he then laminated so it could never be destroyed. Toomi attempted to stop this but had his hand bitten for his trouble, as Curly Long and Mr. Big left Toomi uttered the birth of his most well known monkier ...

"Toomi: . . .you . . . . VILE LITTLE BASTARD!"

This has been adopted by the EWT fans and now when ever Curly Long appears the chants of 'VLB' are not far behind. Curly Long's progress in EWT to start with was steady, defeating the likes of Scotty too Hotty, The Brooklyn Brawler and Max-Mini. These matches were a testing ground as backstage none were sure how well a wrestling midget would get over, they needn't have worried. For the self-proclaimed Midget King had an abundance of charisma when talking to the fans and his opponents, frequently getting loud jeers and chants of 'Curly Sucks'.

Curly Long's first major storyline was a brief interaction and match with EWT Hall of Famer Billy 'The Virgin' Ubermark. Billy Ubermark had just returned from New Orleans after being conned into buying a magical ward (A gold painted medallion soaked in horse urine) to keep Maelstrom away. The aroma of the medallion reminded Curly Long of a former love ..

" I Remember it was down in the MCW. I'd just beaten Meatball for my 7th Midget World Title. I'd gone backstage and into the stables and there she was . . . Mina! . . . that little minx, ah what a summer that was . . . one time we fell in this pond of yellow water. She was so beautiful the yellow water gleaming in her hair and the perfume she had was just like this . . . ah love . . . "

... So Curly Long wanted to buy it, but billy refused to sell, which led to Curly Long's first PPV match at No Rest for the Wicked, which he lost. This loss created what appeared to be the nature of Curly Long and Mr. Big's relationship. Blaming Mr. Big for the loss Curly Long continued to mention what happened at an orphange with those children, which seemed to have some hold over the 7ft man. As the weeks progressed news outlets and media gave information on the story.

Meanwhile both Curly Long and Mr. Big joined the stable the Balance of Power (B.O.P) led by Pza and his followers Epidemik and Destroyer. This stable declared themselves EWT Stable Champions and believed they were being underutilised and demanded recognition and would frequently claim it was the fans fault with the catchphrase "F*** the Fans!". This all came to a close after Mr. Big found out it was Curly himself that destroyed the orphanage, Mr. Big angry left Curly on his own for a few weeks. In those weeks Curly Long admitted to setting up Mr. Big to Mean Gene Okerlund during an interview which ended with Mean Gene almost having his nose bitten off. Mr. Big returned at the 'Royal Pain in the Ass Rumble' and eliminated Curly Long who managed to escape futher harm.

The final end to this was shown live as Curly Long and the BOP called out Mr. Big to confront them. However Pza had his own announcement in that his contract along with Epidemik and Destroyer's were up and that they were leaving EWT. Despite this shock Mr. Big came out and came face to face with Curly Long after knocking the other B.O.P members out the way ... here's what happened ..

''CURLY: Don't listen to them. . . they aren't important. . . I gave you everything I know. . . . including. . . the art of subterfuge. ..


 * Mr. Big lifts Curly up right to his face . . . and . . Big's expression changes from rage to a smile, and he hugs Curly . . .(the crowd begins to boo!) . . . before putting him back on the Ladder . . . Big then turns around and lays out Pza, Destroyer and Epidemik with huge chair shots! . . . . Mr.Big then picks up Epidemik and BURNING HAMMER on the chair! . . Destroyer who has recovered somewhat attempts to stop Mr. Big with a German suplex but its reversed . . . into a PUMP HANDLE SLAM! . . Big turns to the groggy Pza . . he lifts him up! . . GANZO BOMB! . . . all three B.O.P members are down . . . . . Big picks up Epidemik and Gorilla Presses him out of the ring, he then grabs Destroyer and chokeslams him to the hard concrete floor! . . . Finally he grabs Pza . . . and sets him up in a powerbomb position . . he walks to the ropes and releases with maximum force!. . and . . in a repeat of what happened to You Gene at the Rumble! . . Pza's lands squarely on his shoulders, a cracking sound is heard along with a very loud scream! . . (The crowd chants loudly a mixture of Die Curly Die, Boos, HOLY SH*T & 'VLB' at Big and Curly) . . all the while this is going on Curly Long laughs perched on top of his ladder . . . Mr. Big looks down at the carnage and gives an evil smirk as the EMT's come and take away a bloody and crippled Pza and the rest of the B.O.P *

CURLY:. . *evil laughter*. . . what you thought we were separating. . you believed that tall story about burning orphanages! . . . *Laughs*. . . You little people have no clue as always! . . . I 'm hear to take the EWT Heavyweight Title. . and I will do anything to get it! . . even if it means that I Curly Long have to cripple everyone of my opponents in the EWT! . . . . so I infiltrated the B.O.P and took them out. . your Gene Rayburn Memorial Champion will never be seen again. . not because his contract ran out. . but because my main man Mr. Big has crippled him permanently. . you heard his back break! . . . I doubt Pza will walk again! . . . so now there are 3 less EWT superstars in title contention. . . You people took me for a joke. . you saw a midget. . and you thought he was funny. . . well the Joke is Over! . . . The Big deal is here. . and what I did to the Balance of Power I will do to every EWT superstar. . and I'm not stopping till I take the Gold!!''

The Month of being Booker
After demolishing the B.O.P Curly Long and Mr. Big followed this up be destorying both Hulk Hogan (Thrown off the main stage) and Chris Jericho (Thrown though his Jerichotron 3000 head first). This led to Curly Long hosting his own talk show which he called The Colossal Coliseum. Please see the link for details about who has been on and what great moments have occured.

In late September of 2005 Toomi Bishoff left EWT leaving the door open for someone to take charge. That someone was Curly Long who after partying in Toomi's office with the tag team known as Raskall & Trunk took control and kicked the pair out into the hallway, which would start the long running feud. Curly Long's month reign as booker was considered by most a success. Curly Long most surprising moment of excellence was re-invigorising the EWT Women's divison despite his often lewd and crude remarks to the opposite sex. He also forced weekly matches to have intriguing ste ups. One week he made the ring be surrounded by a swimming pool, having a live brass band play everyone's theme music or even taking the EWT to Alaska! He also helped set up the PPV We Couldn't be arse with a Name. A month later Toomi did return to EWT and took back control. Toomi accused Curly Long of wasting EWT money and making absurd matches no one wanted to see. Curly Long responded with a music video and a strong promo that criticised Toomi's previous time in charge and claimed that Toomi was simply envious of what Curly Long had done. This back and forth ranting reached a head at the PPV Rebirth where Toomi forced Curly Long into a chariots of fire match with Psychoapeguy. Curly lost and was presumed burnt to ash by the insane Psychoapeguy. Later on after these events Curly Long had the last laugh when he won the anuual Scammy Award for best booker, much to the disgust of Toomi.

Title History

 * EWT Tag Title (1-time)

In wrestling

 * Finishing moves and signature moves
 * The Curly Creamer (An F5 off the top rope)
 * The Curly Clutch (A Cobra clutch)


 * Flying Leg Drop
 * Various Low Blows
 * Biting
 * School Boy roll up
 * Jumping Headbutt
 * Sleeperhold


 * Theme songs
 * "Moving on Up" by M-People (Has sinsiter backing track)


 * Nicknames
 * The VLB
 * Midget King and Company (His Tag team with Mr. Big)
 * The Midget King
 * The Self-declared Midget King
 * The Lewd, Crude and Rude Main Event Midget
 * The Host with the Most
 * The Don One with the Big Shlo... (Never actually gets a chance to finsh calling himself this as he is always interupted)


 * Quotes
 * Welcome to Curly Long is EWT!
 * That's not the short of it, that's the Long Hard Truth of it!


 * Trivia
 * - Favorite Movie is 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs'.
 * - Curly owns a selection of debateable Top-Shelf Video Tapes, some featuring EWT Superstars!!
 * - Curly has a 'multiple one night stand' relationship with a female midget known as Mina.
 * - Curly is a keen fan of all things strange and perverted and likes to holiday in Amsterdam
 * - Has slept with a monkey, it was dark and they were the same height.