"The Weirdness" Dave Gonzo

To sum up a muffin man such as the Wierdness...aka Dave Gonzo...aka the Rubber Jabberwocky...aka the Chartruse Mongoose(only in Poland), in a mere paragraph is to exercise in stale diapers. One wouldn't have the slaps to address a mooncalf, let alone the staples of a well balanced diet. A salami that speaks in riddles with no answer...unless you're very clever...or a doofus of the utmost skill and dander. Mayhem follows his dainty steps, this deposed ballerina of unrivaled machismo and candor, the likes of which a sandwich's wildest dreams are woven with. To comprehend the sage Doof's nuggets of wisdom is to clear the salad bar of all opposition my friends...all opposition.

He's a riddle wrapped in an enigma, deep fried and covered in cheese. He's had a strange pro wrestling career going from a misunderstood jobber in WWF to a Main Event Kinghippodoof World champ in Doofus World Wrestling which resides in an alternate dimension. Ever since he pops up from time to time whenever a fellow doofus is in need. He developed a friendship with Simon Dehumanizer during his stint in Japan and is now the latest in the long line of Simon's managers. He also seems to be the only one willing to let Simon be himself, even encouraging him to do so. He always wears a fuzzy psychedelic sweater, green tights, a pink tutu and red wrestling boots. "The Weirdness" and Simon Dehumanizer can currently be seen at ELITE.

Moveset:
His combination of dazzling speed, dancer like agility and complete unpredictability make him much more dangerous than he seems. He loves to pepper his matches with seemingly endless comedy spots but can still be effective when he want to.

Symbiotic Wedgie: A painful wedgie executed from inside his opponents pants for extra leverage...usually followed by an interpretive dance to demonstrate the victims pain.

Flying Fists of Fury: Ever see a chick windmilling her fists in a fight? There you go.

Ankle Biter: Self explanitory.

Virulent Custard: He force feds his opponent a foul tasting gel like concoction of his own design, usually resulting in rapid discharges of violent diarrhea.

Stinkfist: An intimate ass punch followed by a mandible claw.

Submission: The Torture Never Stops: Endlessly complicated pretzel like variation of an octopus hold, usually requiring outside help to untagle...though sometimes Dave finds this move backfires on him.

Finisher: Wowie Zowie (off the top moonsault headbutt)