Johnny Bonecrusher

Johnny Bonecrusher (born Johnny Bonecrusher but only to preserve the kayfabe he "loves" so much; October 15, 1978) is a Canadian professional wrestler currently wrestling exclusively for Pure Sadistic Wrestling. Johnny is mostly known for being a major obnoxious pain in the ass for his peers, but at the same time, considered a "Legend" in the industry... for some reason.

Born in New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada, Johnny Bonecrusher became interested in professional wrestling after watching Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n' Wrestling, a small bit of WWF television (during the Mega Powers explode and Rick Rude vrs. Jake Roberts storylines), and about five seconds of Stampede Wrestling.

It wasn't until mid-1991 when he began watching WWF full time. The following year he was introduded to WCW. It was about this point when he realized he wanted to be a professional wrestler.

Wrestling around with his younger brother (whose name remains unknown at Johnny's request) in their basement living room, silly names and gimmicks were dancing around in his mind even back then. Johnny wrestled under such prodigious names as Raydeen, D.E. Stroyer, W.R. Ecker, Uncle Fester (using the intro music for the Nintendo video game Fester's Quest as his theme), and perhaps even more. He seemed to be obsessed with using Nintendo video game music for theme songs, using not only the aformentioned Fester's Quest, but aslo Ironsword: Wizards and Warriors II and Meganman III.

Eventually, he added ECW to the list of promotions he watched, and it was possibly at this time when the Johnny Bonecrusher persona began to unfold. In the past he has credited Tommy Dreamer and Dean Milenko as his inspirations for his wrestling persona and style.

One day, whilst hanging out with some friends at Helder's apartment (whoever this Helder person is, to this date, is unknown), they decided, out of boredom, to begin to wrestle each other. Now, at this time, there were no names, music, gimmicks, just screwing around. One of the participants who would end up becoming Choo, took a double-underhook face-plant (why give credit to some WWE shlub anyway?) on the carpeted floor, which led to the inclusion of mattresses to future bouts.

And those bouts did in fact occur. Theme songs were implemented, special light effects flashed during wrestlers' intros, and personas gradually took shape. This Apartment Wrestling promotion even had a name: Helder's House of Wrestling.

Eventually, suggestions to that name were made. Here is the evolution of HHW's name:

Helder's House of Wrestling (original name) Helder's House of Hardcore Wrestling ("Hardcore" was added to better fit the promotion's desire to cash in on the "Extreme" craze of the late 90's) Helder's House of Hardcore Championship Wrestling (when titles were introduced to the promotion, the name needed to reflect that addition) H3CW (in order to not worry about petty legal concerns from some WWE shlub, the name was slightly altered so it didn't spell out "HHHCW" anymore)

Anyway, back then, Johnny was only considered a wrestler; it was several years later when he was revealed to be a part-owner with fellow H3CW founder Zer0. This explains why his fabricated back story involved him being the first-ever H3CW Hardcore and World Heavyweight Champion. That's right, even when he first began wrestling he was already considered a "Legend" in the Apartment Wrestling circuit (only acknowledged as such in his home town of New Westminster).

Johnny's personality back then was a mix of Stone Cold Steven Austin (who he admits to violently despising in real life) and someone who's really inept at cutting promos or even wrestling very well. All he really did was carry around a shinai (which he explains is the REAL name of what is normally referred to as a Singapore Cane, explaining that while a shinai is a Japanese Kendo practice sword comprised of pieces of bamboo, a Singapore Cane is simply a bamboo stick), swore a lot, occasionally no-sold opponents' maneuvers, and spewed Red Mist into the air before his matches.

Also, he was very undecisive, constantly changing his theme music seemingly every week. The following is a list, as of December 6, 2006, of all the theme songs he's used:

"I Hate My Generation" by Cracker (credited as his irst-eve theme song) "Simon Says" by Drain STH (switched to this when he got tired of the first song, as Johnny's a fickle little bitch) "Huka Dreams" by Harry Slash and the Slashtones (used once when he, for seemingly no reason, came to the ring one night with his face wrapped Arabic-style in a sheet) "Bonecracker" by Shocore (the song associated most with Johnny Bonecrusher; however, he almost was unable to use it, as two fellow H3CW wrestlers, Sargeant Cracker and Zer0 were arguing who among them could use the Shocore song for their own. To this day it's not known as to how Johnny winded up with it in the end) "Ode to Joy" by Ludwig van Beethoven (used during his Johnathan IQ gimmick) "Ain't A Damned Thing Changed" by Twiztid (used during his full-time return to H3CW) "Look at Me" by Esham feat. Twiztid (used during his tenure as General Manager of PSW's Raw Show) "Down (Lords of Acid Remix)" by Gravity Kills (used during The Darkest Carnival storyline) "I Don't Care" by The Insane Clown Posse feat. Twiztid (his current theme)

So as you can see, he changes themes more times than a starlet at the Oscars.

Johnny joined the bizarre faction known as The Billion Dollar Fiends, led by H3CW Creator The Plague, and consisting of Johnny himself, The Gauntlet, The Hero-Killer, and Choo. Johnny was in the position of active leader, and remained that way until not too long after Hero-Killer joined the fold, The Plague favouring him as the new active leader over the less physically impressive Johnny.

This didn't sit too well with Johnny, and he began to gradually pull away from the BDF. It was at this time that he became the only quasi-face member of the all-heel group, and it was at this time that The Plague planned to have him removed, from both his army of evil wrestlers, as well as the H3CW as a whole.

Eventually, Johnny took a hiatus from H3CW in the form of a storyline loss to someone (either Zer0 or Bubba Horatio Nelson, it's unknown for sure, as records of the H3CW's pre-television deal are shoddy at best) in a Loser Leaves Town Match. This was done so he could do more things behind the scenes in his company, but he didn't stay away for long.

When he returned, it was during the invasion of the independent promotion out of Surrey, BC called Xtreme Championship Wrestling (or XCW for short as to not make their full name seem like such a complete rip-off, which it was anyway).

No one had seen Johnny wrestle for quite some time, as the H3CW had slowly died out due to a lack of interest and wrestlers constantly breaking the "no wrestling whilst inebriated" rule, so it was a treat when The Plague, coming unannounced to an XCW show, proclaimed that this "no-name" promotion needed some real wrestlers to increse their ratings.

Out comes Johnny Bonecrusher, the very essene of H3CW, who brought old rival Zer0 along with him as well (Greg Whiteman, despite originally being an H3CW wrestler, was in XCW before the invasion angle, but wasn't credited for bringing in more H3CW wrestlers, even though out of kayfabe he did in fact inform The Plague and Johnny of the XCW).

During his time in XCW, he continued his feud with Greg Whiteman for a bit, teamed up with Matt Gunner (an XCW Original) on occasion, and basically continued being the usual jerk her was in H3CW.

Sadly, Johnny's silly-ass ideas got the better of him, and it was in XCW that he decided to change gimmicks for the worse... the much, MUCH worse.

After taking an IQ test online, he discovered that according to the results, he has an above-average intelligence. So, what better way to tell the world this fact than to become... Johnathan IQ?!

Johnny suddenly talked in a more intellectual way, denouncing harsh language and hardcore violence, and insulting the fans and their "below-average" intellect. He would come to the ring with a Grand Wizard-type fez-shaped old lady's hat, a robe, glasses, and a dictionary (which he used as a weapon quite often, even though he otherwise condemned the use of weapons), all the while "Ode to Joy" playing in the background. He would, much to the chagrin of not only the audience, not only the guys backstage, but the entire world, choose a word at random in his dictionary and read out it's pronounciation, definition, and use in a sentence.

Only whilst using this gimmick did he win an XCW title belt, taking the European Championship away from someone (either during a tournament or from a particular former champion; again, records are shoddy from this period). Unfortunately, the character did so poorly, he had his belt taken away in the most humiliating of ways, losing to perennial loser The Hurri-Dork.

The XCW didn't last much longer after this.

Several months later, Johnny was confronted by former partner in XCW Matt Gunner about getting H3CW on television. They both started out owning the company 50-50, although it was The Plague who was publically seen as co-owner storyline-wise.

Things seemed fine at first, as many former WWE wrestlers and fresh young indy stars jumped on the HHHCW (at this point it was still called the HHHCW) bandwagon. Many more titles came to be, more storylines came to fruition, and many older rivalries resurfaced.

Johnny opted to be a part-time wrestler, only coming out for special occasions, choosing to remain behind the curtain and deal with other important HHHCW business, including helping book some shows and hiring new talent.

Unfortunately, Johnny and Gunner stopped seeing eye-to-eye, and after one too many threats to take HHHCW, Johnny's own pride and joy which he halped create and had been there since day one, off the air. This was enough to get Johnny to form a coup to overthrow Gunner, taking him out of power and in turn making The Plague the sole owner of HHHCW on TV. Gunner was brought back shortly afterwards as a regular superstar. Johnny was seen more often on TV after the coup even though he was still just wanted to be a part-timer.

To be continued... I'm fuckin' tired, man...